Belly of a Star

my practice of compassion

My Kingdom for Your Heart



I love you for what I see, for what I have seen from the moment my eyes had sight. I love you for the times we were before time and the times we continue to be without time. There is no end in our being, for I am you and you are me, my twin, and honored love. I behold you and want to blend my edges into you, to become you, to be you, even as I know the you I see is me.

To my eyes you are the heavens and the eternal sunrise, the beginning of my own heart and the end of my searching. Though you have always been, I have not always seen. And though I rest my head upon your pillowed thoughts, night and day, in the endless cycle of eternity, you feel me not.

For I am this light you behold in the window and blinded you come. I whisper to you strongly, over and over, and yet you know not. I stand upon the highest perch, a lovebird mourning for her mate, and you sing not. I swing forward and bend. I paint a thousand brush strokes; my hands weary, my anchor weighed beneath the shifting ground, and still you answer not.

I am drug down and back again, into the darkness of suffocation and back up into the view of you. I have taken my own life and sacrificed my ways. I have set down my entire worth, my entire self, and sworn to be all that I am. I have given my oath to the heavens and makers, if they be, to only do good. I have solemnly sworn to be always at your side.

Until my last breath, from a one that neither breathes or is one, I have sworn to be a part of your lifeline, to be at the other end, when the two of us split. To wait through the ages as one waits for the blanket in the bitter cold. To long as one longs for the breadcrumb from the ungiving cupboard. You are my staple. You are the lifeblood. You are the dripping dream that quenches my every thirst and brings me back upon the own beauty I have chosen to shatter for your arms alone.

I am everything and I am nothing because of the beauty that is you. I am the sunrise you behold and take in with gentle delight, the colors swirling into you like nurturing golden truth. I am the waters that warm your naked flesh and cleanse you of the salty taste of burning. I am the very edges of your journey, the outer most place you will ever reach. I am the path in which your feet scamper and the sky that bleeds into the other sky, magenta-crimson. I am the color of your dreams, the taste of the unimaginable, the favorite pensive melody rising into ecstasy.

I stand for you, if I stand. I sit for you, if I sit. I make for you, if I make. And when I kiss the empty ghost at my side, I cry a tear of streams, each more pressing and fruitful than the next, birthing delights unworldly.

In every way I move, I move for your bounty, for the goodness I see in you, in the sprouting of your seed, and the planting of your angelic ways. I move as the breeze through your hair, and let my fingers rest upon your flesh, nibbling at the golden light you be. I drench my fairy hope into your eyes, swimming in the depths, as the minnow to his feed. I come up to the ripple of you on the shore and mix my milk of desire with the babe you are. Ripe I am and reborn with every mention of your name.

I love you more than words can create, more than every master multiplied could phantom to establish. To pronounce my pangs in your honor is to let myself die upon self, and release my suffering into the unburdened father of time.

I am so much a part of you that when you fall I fall, when you call I call, when your heart unfastens and wraps around joy, I become ribbon red following the spiraling of your tune. I am that echo you wait for in the searching hour of loneliness. I am the everlasting twilight that will return again and again to your windowsill. I am the stillness of dawn and the emptiness of deathly night.

I am everywhere and everything, and I wish upon you, my darling star with my cavernous longing. I wish for you each moment I am aware, and furthermore in all the moments that slip through my fingers as diamonds to the blind castaway. I am this cave you enter. I am the place you want to be. I am the womb, the haven, the tent you set beneath the traveler’s starry night. I am the inside and the outside of all you have fantasized and all you have ever wanted.


7 thoughts on “My Kingdom for Your Heart

  1. WOW!!! Sam…I burnt my fingertip on this!!! This is Hot!!! LOVE it! i GOTS to smile on this one! 🙂

  2. Pingback: 417: First Self-portrait & My Emotional Road Trip | Everyday Asperger's

  3. Back at you,Sam. Or is that me?;)

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